He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, your a mile away, and have their shoes.
If at first you don’t succeed, sky diving is not for you.
Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day, Teach that man to fish, and he’ll sit in a boat and drink beer.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.
Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of car payments.
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand…
OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened
Looking for Work
A Japanese doctor said, ‘Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can
take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for
work in six weeks.’
A German doctor said, ‘That’s nothing, we can take a lung out of one person,
put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.’
A British doctor said, ‘In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can
take half of a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them
both looking for work in two weeks.’
A Filipino doctor, not to be outdone said, ‘You guys are way behind.
We took a man with no brains and a little woman with no heart,
put them both, one after the other, in Malacanang Palace and now
half the country is looking for work.
A 70-year old ‘lolo’ from the province was accompanied by a grandson to the US Embassy in Manila
for his VISA interview.
The lolo spoke not a word of English so the grandson translated for him. The Consul told the young
man to ask his grandfather why he wanted to go to the States.
“Bakit daw ho ninyo gustong pumunta sa Amerika?” The grandson translated.
“Sabihin mo gusto kong makita yung mga anak ko doon.”
“He said he wants to see his children there.”
Fair enough, that’s what the lolo’s application indicated.
The Consul had another question. “Ask him why does he have to go there? Why can’t his children just
come and visit him here?”
The grandson translated this in Tagalog.
Lolo replied: “Sabihin mo kasi dito pinanganak yung mga anak ko.
Nakita na nila ang Pilipinas. Gusto ko namang makita ang Amerika bago ako mamatay.”
(Translation: “Tell him, my children were born here. They’ve seen the
Philippines already. I just want to see America before I die.”)
The HEARTLESS Consul was unimpressed as he declared, devoid of any emotion, that he was rejecting
the visa application “because the applicant was unable to speak any word of English.”
“Reject daw yung visa ninyo kasi hindi daw kayo marunong mag-Ingles.”
The lolo was equally unimpressed. “Sabihin mo ito sa kanya at huwag na huwag mong papalitan ang
“Putang ina niya, bakit siya nandidito eh hindi naman siya marunong mag
Translated, “He said: You son of a bitch, how come you are here… you do not know how to speak in
Taken aback, sense of humor still intact, the consul relented and approved lolo’s visa application
(Taken from The Philippine Star (newspaper), written by Boo Chanco)